Nobody ever said that dating would be easy, but if you’ve fallen for a widower you’re in for quite a challenge. Grief is part of who he is now, and the hole that is left with his wife’s passing will never be filled. On the other hand, that doesn’t mean he will never love again, which is where you come into the picture. Dating a widower can be complicated at times, but the heart wants what it wants and instead of beating yourself over the head with the fact you want to date a widower, it is much more efficient to consider our list of tips to make your relationship easier and much more fulfilling.
Tip #1: Patience Is A Virtue
All widowers grieve in one way or another. Some of them don’t let it show at all, while others display their grief with pride as a tribute to the loved one they lost. What you need to do is be patient with your widower and let him come to you when he’s ready. There is no telling how much time he’ll need, but the important thing is that you’re there for him however long it takes. Keep in mind that despite how he feels about the death of his wife, there is a part of him that is urging him to move on with his life. At one point it won’t be his grief that will try to stop him from committing, it will be the shame and the feeling that he’s betraying his dead spouse. You need to patiently wait out all of his phases of adaptation to his new life with you in it, which isn’t the easiest thing to do, but it will be worth it in the end.
Tip #2: Give Him Space
Give him all the space he asks for and more. Don’t pressure him into committing too soon, and don’t expect him to shower you with affection at all times. Every widower has a lot on his mind, from the loss that will forever be part of who he is to knowing he has lots to live for, such as his children, friends, business, and family. He needs to find the strength somewhere, and what better source of energy than a warm female touch? Your widower needs you, but he might have a hard time articulating or showing his feelings. This is why you need to give him enough room to come to terms with the fact he’s fallen for you even though he probably thought he’d never love again.
Tip #3: Never Compare Yourself To The Deceased
The past is the past, and there is nothing anybody can do about that. Those who are smart and capable and have the support from their friends and family find a way to move on despite their grief. They learn to live with it and to accept it, and so should you. On the other hand, if a widower chooses to be with you, rest assured he is not looking for his dead wife in you. Being reminded of her is painful, and that is not what he’s looking for. He wants to be with you because of who you are and how you make him feel, and however troubling it may be for you to know there was a time he thought he’d grow old with another woman, don’t compare yourself to her because that is utterly pointless.
Tip #4: Be Who You Are
Don’t try to be somebody else or somebody you think would please him more. Dating for widowers is tough, and they wouldn’t risk being judged in their circle of friends for having moved on too fast or with the wrong person if they didn’t think you were worth it. We all have baggage, and you, just like him, have your past that has made you who you are today. There is absolutely no shame in that, and the smartest thing you can both do is accept that you’ve met later in life after a lot of things have already happened, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy each other’s company. Just be yourself and don’t worry about anyone’s expectations. He chose you for a reason, and that reason is the fact he likes who you are.